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Text:
I. As we grow, we bend We all start as a small seed buried in dirt waiting to sprout to make wings to take flight. As we grow we reach our hands toward the sun We entangle ourselves with others we lose track of which leaves are ours caught up in the bigger picture not seeing the trees for the forest, We see the forest for the trees. We all sprout from the small pit clasped from the fruit of others. Growing is breaking breaking is growing breaking out/breaking in breaking in two breaking into a thousand pieces each remaining in certain moments of our lives As we grow we bend As we grow we break. II. I remember dreams of flying I remember dreams of flying I remember dreams of flying of losing teeth of old faces of funnel clouds reaching down from the sky to touch the Earth. that's how I knew I was dreaming. I remember sleep walking waking up in other places: on the sofa downstairs, in a tree outside. I remember black-and-white memories of hazy, yellow summers, and quiet, blue winters. I remember my old town sitting on the roof steam floating up to a starry blanket trees, like fingers, gently stroking the sky. III. The lives of others Now I sleepwalk awake around the city around my life around the lives of others IV. In between Look at me (my) flesh on bones cold sunrise in the morning offers no warmth. In between: the ashes of yesterday, the memories of ten years ago, Look at me All these years, I've carried with me these ellipses of the sun. life isn't earned, life is deserved, Look at me. Listen to me listen to the dull resonance in our skulls falling asleep on a train, under the bay only to go back under and do it all again the very next day. Listen to me we need to talk about it/we need to talk through it Listen to me. In between compassion and violence we are touched. V. Something has been Lost Something has been lost the ability to smile the ability to sing, to speak, to say Something's been ignored for too long. Something has been lost. I feel like a blue bird in a graveyard. Trying to sing a song that no longer comes and yet it echoes anyway, as a dull ache that melts in my mind, in my heart, in my dreams. Something has been lost. In the morning light I saw a bluebird for the first time in a long time and sometimes, Something can be found. the sound of paper the smell of rain the feeling of skin on skin in an embrace the deep colors of pain the bright yellow chains of yesterday and tomorrow the small flickers in the horizons that we turn to and the familiar darkness when we close our eyes illuminated red by the sun. Something has been lost, but Something can be found. VI. Look to this day Look to this day for it is life the very life of life in its brief course lie all the realities and truths of existence the joy of growth the splendor of action the glory of love For yesterday is but a memory and tomorrow is only a vision but today well lived makes every yesterday a memory of happiness and every tomorrow a vision of hope Look well, therefore, to this day. All text written by De Togni with the exception of movement VI. |
Program Notes:
I began writing the text to this song cycle several years ago, as a way to engage with creativity outside of music. The text for most of these songs comes from fragmented poems that I have written over the years, a sort of stream-of-consciousness to parse out thoughts and feelings. These fragments discuss emotional issues such as burn out and depression (movements three, four and five). Other topics in this cycle are reactions to things that I have witnessed in the past several years, living in places in the West Coast such as San Francisco. The desperate homelessness and how society deems those as underneath it is a tragedy. Some pieces, while not narratively about this specific topic, are inspired by it, such as movements three and four. These movements aim to depict those who remain in the public eye but are unseen and unheard, and yet yearn for it desperately: “Look at me... listen to me... in between compassion and violence we are touched” (IV. In Between). Perhaps there is something in these sentiments that we can all, at some level, relate to: the desire to be heard, seen, felt and understood. Other themes addressed in this cycle include personal growth (movement one) and how it can be a difficult and painful process, as well as the motif of dreams (movements two and three). Dreams are discussed in a literal way, noticing occurrences in dreams that remind us that we are dreaming, but also as a way to escape the present through images/fantasies in our minds (daydreaming). Ultimately, this song cycle is about growth and transformation. This is the one through-line of our lives, and how one changes as a person in response to the myriad of our own experiences, both positive and negative. This cycle ends with a musical setting of the poem Look to this day, an ancient Sanskrit poem. This song was composed before the other movements. The poems selected from my own collection, and the music accompanying them, were cultivated in direction to this final movement. This poem offers a remedy to the many issues addressed in previous movements: to look to the present and find solace in the now, an understanding that our lives are short and should be cherished. Performance at University of Central Arkansas
Voice - Anna Sophia Jones Conductor - Daniel De Togni Piano - Camila Osses Flute - Kami Curtis Bb Clarinet - Tyus Diaz Bass Clarinet - Jacob Gatlin Alto Saxophone - Jonathan Deysher Bassoon - Lora Butcher Euphonium - Monivann Lep Percussion - Simon Podsiadlik and Mateo Peláez Violin - Abraham Martinez and Levana Xu Viola - Paulina Casas Cello - Daniel Ebner Bass - Lucas Alba |